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rassouli ideal partner fulfilling happy loving relationship sulamith ideal partner fulfilling happy loving relationship ideal partner fulfilling happy loving relationship ideal partner fulfilling happy loving relationship sulamith wulfing

Does your ideal partner exist?
Margareth Lee

Research has concluded that for most people it is essential to have a loving fulfilling relationship. It also seems to be good for your health, because according to research people with such a relationship live longer and remain fitter.

How is it then possible that we see people everywhere who find it difficult to find an ideal partner? And simultaneously we see many relationships and marriages ending in divorce, thereby deeply hurting all involved?

Why do so many people have such trouble finding the right person to have a loving relationship with?
“Experts” give various reasons for this:

  1. Some people have a lot of unsolved emotional baggage.
  2. Some people sabotage themselves unconsciously by beliefs that are contrary to their best interests.
  3. A special form of this are the people who have such low self-esteem that they look down on anyone who finds them attractive. I know a homosexual man who said during every relationship that his partner was so dependant on him and they loved him much more than the other way around. That he was afraid to end the relationship because his partner became extremely upset and even threatened with suicide.
  4. Some lack the self-confidence to approach the people they are really attracted to.
  5. Others on the contrary have completely unrealistic expectations.
  6. And there are also those who chose partners for all the wrong reasons. These can vary from “he has to have long curly lashes” to “he has to look like Michael Jackson”. Which version of Michael Jackson? And how long will long curly lashes fascinate you? Especially if he turns out to have all sorts of disgusting habits?

The professional matchmakers usually offer a solution by trying to bring people together on a basis of matching characteristics. You sketch a profile, a sort of wishlist and fill out your own profile in which you describe your interests, habits, personality traits and various other factors. Undoubtedly they will sometimes be successful in their work. But I don't think that is because their system works. Maybe because the two souls have elected that way to meet. Or because those people were on the same wavelength.

I think there is a higher power at work here. Years ago I used to have astrology as a hobby. I then quit making horoscopes (also called charts) for people, because they swore to me that they would not let astrology determine their lives, and then they hardly ventured outside at “unfavourable” times. It seemed like they even postponed living! Their whole life was no longer determined by themselves, but by the stars. I think this is a completely wrong and very unspiritual use of astrology. Certain energies may influence you from time to time, but YOU decide how you react to them and to the experiences they offer you. That is called life.

I then learned a lot about relationships by statistically analyzing hundreds of horoscopes of couples and families. There is a point in the horoscope, the Vertex, that I now call the point of karmic encounters. Families usually had the same Vertex. More interestingly, couples who were together for a long time had the main points of their horoscope on the Vertex of the other. This was spot on almost every time. John's sun on Ann's Vertex and Anna's sun on John's Vertex. Or the moon or the ascendant. Astrological handbooks hardly ever write about that. Probably because this point is a relatively new discovery and there have not been many thorough statistical studies yet.

These people apparently have their ideal partner. But the relationships were often very dysfunctional. They were relationships filled with mutual resentment and bitter reproach.

These past years I have come to believe that this is as it should be. These people were predestined to come together. Their relationship has not started by coincidence. I think that the people we allow to come close can teach us the most valuable lessons because they can touch us deeply. And they do. We are learning our most profound and transforming lessons in love and forgiveness through them.

I experienced that with my daughter. Many years ago our relationship was often very tense. Until I decided to work consciously on changing my attitude toward her. I realized I could no longer change her, she was a grown woman now and I had had my chance to shape her. Now I could only change myself. Only after quite some time and lots of wrestling with myself I succeeded in this. It is difficult to have insight in your own patterns, your part in the relationship problems. Fortunately it finally worked out and now we have a very warm, loving relationship without discord. Of course we do not always agree, but that is no longer a stumbling block for our love. I am very grateful for this miracle of the change of my mind. It is the fulfillment of my heart's desire.

The law of attraction:
That which you resist you attract in a package
that is very attractive at first.
In the relationships I studied I could also clearly observe the workings of the law of attraction. Especially the part that says that you attract that which you resist. People often attract a partner who, after a while, seems to represent everything they loathe.. They hate liars and their partner has raised lying to an artform.

Luc and Corinna were a very cheerful and enterprising couple in the beginning. But he became more and more negative and passive. He saw stumbling blocks everywhere. She tried everything to cheer him up and that only seemed to work detrimental. He reacted negatively to everything. Corinna did not realize that they were caught in the outpicturing of a contrast. The more positive she became, the more negative he behaved. Until she followed my advice and began to act really negative to put it to the test. And indeed, Luc smartened up and after a while he began to reproach her for being such a wet blanket. She put a damper on everything. I then helped Corinna to give the things she found so negative and objectionable a place, beginning with her resistance to 'negativity'. That brought the balance back in her relationship with Luc.

If your partner is outpicturing things for you that you intensely dislike, it is advisable to ask yourself what you can do to accept the unpleasant things that you have projected outward and are rejecting. “But I cannot accept lying”, I am then told. Or cheating, or unhygienic habits.

Your partner will confront you with your belief-system. People who you allow to become intimate with you will push your buttons, so you can experience the things you charge with emotions. You can consider your values and make lists of criteria your ideal partner should meet, but in fact you will simply have the partner who is most able to push your buttons. Or who outpictures those things that live deeply hidden in you. Someone who is definitely on the same wavelength that you are on. And because we change in the course of time that partner may not be so ideal after a couple of years.

I would never advise people to separate, though. As long as you are still on that wavelength, you will just attract another partner with the same characteristics, who is often even worse. Change your vibrational level and people change with you or those with a different vibration drift out of your life. And the people who are more suited to you show up as if by magic.

How do you change your vibrational level?
You can become master of your subconscious programming by doing a Transformator course. If that is impossible for you I have a few tips to start with.
Get to know yourself, your needs and especially your evaluations of behaviour and personality traits.
Imagine your ideal partner and become the kind of person you want to attract. But be honest with yourself. Take Lucinda for example. She told me she could never cheat on a partner. She had made an agreement with him that for a month they would not date other people after a fight or a break-up. Just in case they got back together again. But when they split up in reality, within two weeks she was dating another guy. And she felt very bad about herself when she got back together with her partner.

The most important thing is not to expect another to make you happy. Only you are able to do that. Your happiness depends on you. No one can make another happy. The way you look at things and interpret them, determines how happy you are. Everyone is constantly engaged in self-talk and through this inner dialogue you tell yourself what you do and don't value.